to be perfectly honest, up until the summer before college, i could count how many times someone said i looked “pretty”, “hot”, or “beautiful” on 2 hands. that was just never my role. i was “smart’, or “witty”, or “talented”, sure. the only compliments i received as far as physical appearances went were that i had “really nice legs” (i tend to get that one a lot), an “amazing body” (not sure where that one came from), or “really cute outfits.” i guess because of this, i’ve always been really self conscious of my body - especially my legs. they’re the one thing people routinely complimented me on.
now i’m in college and no longer on cross country and too lazy to walk to the gym, my legs have been getting a little chubs (in my opinion). my college friends don’t see it at all, and they compliment me on my legs and everything else routinely. they’re confused, in fact, as to why i think i’m getting fat when they all see me as skinny. i guess i still carry that self conscious emily around in the back of my mind.
i think i just want approval. from somebody. anybody. i think i was deprived of that as a child. my parents never said “good job”, only “well, you could do better.” i know they meant well. i know they were only trying to push me to do my very best, but it was still hard for me. i’m a sensitive person. i really truly am. i pretend like i’m not, but not-too-deep-down i have a lot of bottled up emotions i can’t share or let out because that’s just not the way i was raised.
blah. sometimes i think i care too much.
i need to learn how to live without regrets.
a short video by LiNK: Liberty in North Korea
please watch this and help spread the word!!
my reaction to “one does not simply dibidibidis into mordor”
what i’d give to be victoria…
and not just cuz of nichkhun
what a beautiful, soulful face (&voice)
woohyun&myunsoo marry me??